All during the time I was growing up and continuing into adulthood, I’ve enjoyed reading a newspaper. Even in High School I would spend my lunch hour reading two of the larger papers in the state instead of eating lunch.
One reason was that I truly enjoyed reading the news and especially the classified ads. The other reason was the school cafeteria food was akin to Gainsburger dog food at best and avoidance of that ptomaine poisoning lunch line was paramount to survival.
Regardless of my reasons for skipping lunch, I really loved getting the papers every day and reading about happenings both near and far. Of course, this was before Al Gore invented the Internet – Miss Trixie just rolled her eyes – and so any news we got was in print or on television or radio. And as much as I loved all the news that was news, I really loved the classified ads section of the papers. I could peruse those fine printed sections and dream of purchasing all the things I saw listed on there daily.
Fast forward to today and Ol’ Dutch is inundated with a new-fangled type of advertising that is seemingly endless in supply. Not only do we have Craigslist where you can literally find anything from soup to nuts, but Facebook also has a Marketplace where items can be listed from local to afar.
Ol’ Dutch spends a lot of time looking and scheming about buying things cheap and, actually, I have been pretty successful in finding some great deals. Why, just this last winter I found some water pipe and electrical wire for the new house for one tenth of the cost at the local gyp joint. And there is nothing like a good deal to get this old Scotchman fired up let me tell you what.
Like anything left to the untrained and somewhat illiterate Americans, there are mistakes on the listings that border on hilarity if nothing else.
Just yesterday I was browsing our local market online and I saw an advertisement for an “Aged Man.” Now immediately I began to suspect Miss Trixie of finally getting tired of my nonsense and putting me on the market. So curious as a cat looking in a mouse hole, I opened up the ad expecting to catch her at some game of good riddance of Ol’ Dutch.
The screen populated and suddenly I saw that in their hurry to post the ad, the author had forgotten a few letters. Those few forgotten letters made all the difference in the world. For instead of advertising an “aged man” they really were trying to get rid of “aged manure.”
Well let me tell you Ol’ Dutch breathed a sigh of relief that Miss Trixie was not going to farm him out for sure. But now I am beginning to wonder if in reality the “aged man” and “aged manure” are not too far apart in reality. I mean they both begin to carry around a certain aroma as they age, and their usefulness does become more and more limited as time goes by. So maybe, just maybe the ad was more correct than I wanted to believe.
I did go one step further and called the number listed just to make sure Miss Trixie was not slipping Ol’ Dutch a Mickie and putting him out to pasture. Finally satisfied, at least for now that I am safe in my own paddock, I settled into my chair and let go an odoriferous emanation of my own.
Which resulted in a frown and gasp of disgust from Miss Trixie. That will teach her to select the local Mexican Eatery for our next date night. Here’s to “aged manure.”
Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is Kevin@TroutRepublic.com. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.
