Trout Republic: Brace yourself for an invasion

Ol’ Dutch is an avid reader of historical events and certain ones like the landing in Normandy on D-Day certainly is a favorite.

Firsthand accounts from American, French, British and German citizens and soldiers are fascinating to read even this far removed in history. They all have a mix of anxiety, anticipation, suspense and hope for victory.

Fast-forward to this week when there is news afoot of another soon-to-be invasion of the “mother country.” Ol’ Dutch and Miss Trixie -- ever the insiders as far as good gossip and a nose for news, at least in our own minds -- have advanced knowledge that Colorful Colorado will once again be inundated with tourists of every shape and size. Mostly size.

Soon huge Conestoga wagons pulled by massive four wheel beasts of burden will descend upon our great state for another summer of fun and relaxation. Others with second homes will also arrive in copious numbers armed with enough toilet paper and canned goods to last out the season.
Lakes will be assaulted by old men and women intent on adding a rainbow trout to the skillet and bait jars will multiply and adorn our shores like seashells on a white sand beach.

Money brought from afar will be rung into cash registers after a long winter drought of non-use and gasoline pumps will spin like some slot machine in a Las Vegas casino. Noisy ATV’s will go roaring down mountain roads scattering wildlife and Sunday drivers alike with dust settling on every car and in every nook and cranny that it can find.

Long gone will be the quiet respite of winter and nature will brace itself for another onslaught of human activity -- hopefully all clad with masks over their mouths and nose and with hand sanitizers in their pockets.

Ol’ Dutch will soon be returning home so he and Miss Trixie can quarantine for 15 days as a part of Governor Polis’ Safer-at-Home measures and out of respect for our fellow residents already there.
After that, we are planning a great summer of social distancing in nature with a lot of fishing and hiking – 6 feet apart from all of you (but, thankfully, not from each other.) I do not ask Miss Trixie to wear a mask around me but there are times a good swatch of duct tape across her mouth would improve our lives immensely.

Ol’ Dutch will miss the many social gatherings that I normally participate in but feel like care must be taken until such time as this virus passes us like the plagues of Egypt once did the Children of Israel. For lack of a Moses to lead us out of bondage, we will have to do the best we can with what we have: each other.

I read this past week that 85 million odd tourists visit the great state of Colorado each year and generate over $1.5 billion to the local economies. And that’s just the odd tourists. I am sure a few normal ones also come to our state although I am beginning to wonder more and more about that statement.

I am reminded of the old Monkees song, “here we come.” For sure as an apple hit Isaac Newton on the head, Ma and Pa and their kettle will soon arrive for a fun-filled summer of cool air, hot food and erratic driving.

All we can do is hope that locals and tourists alike heed the instructions of the elected county officials, state government leaders and medical professionals so that we end up with a successful summer of safe conduct.

This is certainly a time for the history books since the last time people wore masks when making a withdrawal from the local banks, Bob Ford walked among us. This time, however, you can do it without legal repercussions and maybe even get a few cheers from our fellow citizens.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected] Additional news can be found at or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.


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